The month of December has been a whirl! I had a photoshoot which is responsible for delaying my trip to Thailand, and only joined my friends there later. The pay I got from the job however, is also responsible for me forgoing my initial flight itinerary and extending my my stay there. The resort's pool bar was spectacular, sun, pool, drinks, parties.... massage and spa... I wish I could stay there all my life.
Got to Singapore in time for Zoukout!
Drama aside, this year's was upsetting. Nothing special about the music and bad crowd. Despite the number of bottles of slug we had.
Play for 2 weeks = Sick for another 2 weeks.
I am so not looking forward to the new year, cuz that's when work inevitably starts.
Fast forward to June please. That's about 180 days from today. Ugh.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Fiction Part Two
It was like a rebirth, she felt like a whole new different person. It can't be real, she still thought, when only some time ago, not too long back, she knew that her compassion had died.
But she could feel it flowing back into her veins, slowly, but surely, growing stronger and stronger each day.
High Priestess! Should she trust her intuition this time? Thinking about it makes her sick to the stomach. Are her guts trying to tell her something good or otherwise?
Her companion, seemingly perfect, perfectly affectionate. She wants, she needs...
She is cursed with love.
But she could feel it flowing back into her veins, slowly, but surely, growing stronger and stronger each day.
High Priestess! Should she trust her intuition this time? Thinking about it makes her sick to the stomach. Are her guts trying to tell her something good or otherwise?
Her companion, seemingly perfect, perfectly affectionate. She wants, she needs...
She is cursed with love.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Fiction
as the clouds turned grey, she turned frantic. she wanted to help, she wanted it to go away, for it happened because of her. even though it wasn't her fault, she didn't know it, didn't accept it.
luckily she is one with a brilliant mind; the problem was resolved.
so off they go, into the pouring rain, her companion presented to all who mattered. a major part of her life has been exposed; a life that she wanted to share.
she was elated, the shack served as a great place for a mind-fucking session.
intoxication wasn't necessary.
so she thought, is it love, or just a curse?
luckily she is one with a brilliant mind; the problem was resolved.
so off they go, into the pouring rain, her companion presented to all who mattered. a major part of her life has been exposed; a life that she wanted to share.
she was elated, the shack served as a great place for a mind-fucking session.
intoxication wasn't necessary.
so she thought, is it love, or just a curse?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Implosions
Greedy.
Materialistic.
Selfish.
I am imploding
and I shall succumb.
It can never be real,
nor eternal,
but why do I feel,
and can't seal it, subtle.
Why do you seek,
when you know i will destroy.
why do you stay,
when you know it will end up in a fray?
Hope, why do we trust her?
when our desires will only lead us further,
apart,
i am torn up.
WE are never.
NEVER will we.
Materialistic.
Selfish.
I am imploding
and I shall succumb.
It can never be real,
nor eternal,
but why do I feel,
and can't seal it, subtle.
Why do you seek,
when you know i will destroy.
why do you stay,
when you know it will end up in a fray?
Hope, why do we trust her?
when our desires will only lead us further,
apart,
i am torn up.
WE are never.
NEVER will we.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The free spirit has lost her freedom to love.
i'm losing my mind...
why is it only now that i realised i have allowed myself, time and time again, to be bound by regulations that i cannot ever seem to abide by? i believe in possessing a free-spirited nature, and yet...
regulations i can break, but over time, as etiquette develops, i get stuck. my mind is an abyss, and i keep on falling. abstemiousness keep me from thinking straight.
and i'm losing it all...
when my heart and my mind is at war, my soul dies. i now cannot see who i am, i now cannot see my purpose. the solution is uncertain, will it provide permanent relief?
..love should make one excited about life, excited about waking up to see a new day..
why is it only now that i realised i have allowed myself, time and time again, to be bound by regulations that i cannot ever seem to abide by? i believe in possessing a free-spirited nature, and yet...
regulations i can break, but over time, as etiquette develops, i get stuck. my mind is an abyss, and i keep on falling. abstemiousness keep me from thinking straight.
and i'm losing it all...
when my heart and my mind is at war, my soul dies. i now cannot see who i am, i now cannot see my purpose. the solution is uncertain, will it provide permanent relief?
..love should make one excited about life, excited about waking up to see a new day..
Monday, October 26, 2009
Monday's a Bitch
It's 4.50pm and I'm still at work. Apparently I didnt pray hard enough. I take back what I said on the previous post. **Multiple Expletives**
The Big Distraction
I'm far more relaxed now at work, with the term ending in 4 days time. Which ultimately means I am in holiday mood already, again.
I have nothing much to do except for organising an arts fest and art exhibition, as well as doing some designs for the student handbook 2010. Which I have done, took me a couple of hours for a set of 4! I am holding back these works to throw the person whom i'm supposed to submit it into an extreme state of anxiety. That means i get the chance to play god. Bow down, bitch!
It's so chillaxed here, which is definitely a first! Today is the first day that I feel like I do not feel the need for any form of intoxication, music's enough to do the deed. Although today is a Monday, I'm loving it. I'm praying hard for nothing or noone to screw this up.
The Big Distraction, however, is the honey bees. Bluergh.
I have nothing much to do except for organising an arts fest and art exhibition, as well as doing some designs for the student handbook 2010. Which I have done, took me a couple of hours for a set of 4! I am holding back these works to throw the person whom i'm supposed to submit it into an extreme state of anxiety. That means i get the chance to play god. Bow down, bitch!
It's so chillaxed here, which is definitely a first! Today is the first day that I feel like I do not feel the need for any form of intoxication, music's enough to do the deed. Although today is a Monday, I'm loving it. I'm praying hard for nothing or noone to screw this up.
The Big Distraction, however, is the honey bees. Bluergh.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Happily ever after
...means going far, far away alone, and never to come back.
But not until I finish my business here, and that is to injure some idiots for therapeutic relief. To board a flight with a clean slate, to start life anew, and to feel meat on my palms and my fist.
You better watch out.
But not until I finish my business here, and that is to injure some idiots for therapeutic relief. To board a flight with a clean slate, to start life anew, and to feel meat on my palms and my fist.
You better watch out.
The wearing of pants.
I currently have the mindset of a percentage 30 year old males.
After a long, hard, hot and tiring day at work, all I want to do is go back home into the arms of my wife and have her feed me food that she cooked.
And watch tv in bed with her by my side while eating ice cream and chocolates.
And start the next day with seeing her first thing in the morning.
I skipped the sex part cuz if I were a guy, I wouldnt make that a necessity. Ok, maybe it's because I don't have a penis to start with so I don't really understand what it's like to NOT make that a necessity.
Anyway, I went back on my words, on what I said to a few people years ago. Honestly no one can be really ready at 21.
I hate ageing, I hate the need for humans to find equilibrium in another human being.
I hate that I feel like I need a stay home wife - someone who is not highly educated, someone who won't question where I've been and what I did and how was my day. Someone who can cook, wash, and clean. And clean up nicely to boot.
Homo alert! Til later.
P.S Can anyone explain my need for a stupid wife? hahrhahr.
After a long, hard, hot and tiring day at work, all I want to do is go back home into the arms of my wife and have her feed me food that she cooked.
And watch tv in bed with her by my side while eating ice cream and chocolates.
And start the next day with seeing her first thing in the morning.
I skipped the sex part cuz if I were a guy, I wouldnt make that a necessity. Ok, maybe it's because I don't have a penis to start with so I don't really understand what it's like to NOT make that a necessity.
Anyway, I went back on my words, on what I said to a few people years ago. Honestly no one can be really ready at 21.
I hate ageing, I hate the need for humans to find equilibrium in another human being.
I hate that I feel like I need a stay home wife - someone who is not highly educated, someone who won't question where I've been and what I did and how was my day. Someone who can cook, wash, and clean. And clean up nicely to boot.
Homo alert! Til later.
P.S Can anyone explain my need for a stupid wife? hahrhahr.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
And the world goes round....
The word 'world' here is short for worldly, or worldly-wise. I am going to put the limelight on some characters I know who, I observe, seems to know and experienced everything. It's definitely awesome if you know everything and that knowledge you have can be supported by evidence or someone who can ascertain your claims.
We can choose to ignore, yes?
But I sometimes wonder why there is such a need of these people to exist, and around me of all places. Why do these people have to talk worldly of themselves?
All it seems to me is the attention that they crave for. Why else would anyone want to talk 'world' right? If you want people to be in awe of you, then do something before talking about anything. If you want notoriety, then prove it. If you want to be exceptional, then gain it. If you want to be legendary, then earn it.
These people, from my observations, have never acquired success in their lives that it translates to bullshitting of knowledge and facts to others and faking experiences just so. And these people are the same people who would pass judgement without understanding first.
These traits are evident in some people, whereas others almost had me fooled.
And these people almost always have no friends. Though it could be the opposite, I noticed, especially if the 'worldly person' has significant value to the manipulative, being easily exploited so that 'friends' are always around him or her. These people are easily swindled for money, free rides and favours. And all the engineer has to do is listen and nod to his or her worldly claims.
It can be quite an amusing show to watch if you have all these people around you actually.
So, do you have a worldly friend? You do? Oh good! That friend will be easy to manipulate, just say that he or she is awesome and he or she will grant you your wishes!
Oh, and do visit my Nonsense! Nonsense! Art site. Definitely no worldly shit or hurtful things in there.
We can choose to ignore, yes?
But I sometimes wonder why there is such a need of these people to exist, and around me of all places. Why do these people have to talk worldly of themselves?
All it seems to me is the attention that they crave for. Why else would anyone want to talk 'world' right? If you want people to be in awe of you, then do something before talking about anything. If you want notoriety, then prove it. If you want to be exceptional, then gain it. If you want to be legendary, then earn it.
These people, from my observations, have never acquired success in their lives that it translates to bullshitting of knowledge and facts to others and faking experiences just so. And these people are the same people who would pass judgement without understanding first.
These traits are evident in some people, whereas others almost had me fooled.
And these people almost always have no friends. Though it could be the opposite, I noticed, especially if the 'worldly person' has significant value to the manipulative, being easily exploited so that 'friends' are always around him or her. These people are easily swindled for money, free rides and favours. And all the engineer has to do is listen and nod to his or her worldly claims.
It can be quite an amusing show to watch if you have all these people around you actually.
So, do you have a worldly friend? You do? Oh good! That friend will be easy to manipulate, just say that he or she is awesome and he or she will grant you your wishes!
Oh, and do visit my Nonsense! Nonsense! Art site. Definitely no worldly shit or hurtful things in there.
Friday, October 2, 2009
A Slut Yet?
Things are getting a tad too personal here... i have kinda gone off course in the objectives of starting this blog.
I have a new one, and it's a portfolio of my works, sources of inspiration and musings about art.
If you have a similar blog to that of mine, link up! Glory Glory Arts Community! (lame i noe, so shut up.)
The link:
http://slugslut.blogspot.com/
I have a new one, and it's a portfolio of my works, sources of inspiration and musings about art.
If you have a similar blog to that of mine, link up! Glory Glory Arts Community! (lame i noe, so shut up.)
The link:
http://slugslut.blogspot.com/
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Compassion, where art thou?
All heartbroken, confused and disappointed, a huge chunk of my heart went out the window back in 2006.
A large part of me died, and sadly, it still hasn't come back to life 3 years later. I tried to resurrect it, but all my efforts have been futile.
I am talking about compassion, for mankind and other living things. I am talking about this because after 3 Ramadhans and eid, I haven't been anything but selfish and downright mean.
I remembered being ever so compassionate, I had this extreme surge of love for whatever that is living - whatever God has created. I would get teary eyed looking at beggars, fishing out my last dollar for the extreme one I see that day. My heart would thump heavily when I see trees and plants being cut down to make way for concrete. I would cry if I can't find any ways to feed a sickly, skinny stray cat or dog immediately, I would wanna stay with them to give them warmth, to make sure that they stay there while I call someone else to get some pet food. I'd bawl if I see a dead animal, with its innards pouring out, on the road.
Til now, I couldn't care less. When I observe the things above happening around me, I don't feel anything at all. I don't feel the need to rescue or to help.
I am, however, saddened with the fact that my compassion is gone.
C, please come back.
A large part of me died, and sadly, it still hasn't come back to life 3 years later. I tried to resurrect it, but all my efforts have been futile.
I am talking about compassion, for mankind and other living things. I am talking about this because after 3 Ramadhans and eid, I haven't been anything but selfish and downright mean.
I remembered being ever so compassionate, I had this extreme surge of love for whatever that is living - whatever God has created. I would get teary eyed looking at beggars, fishing out my last dollar for the extreme one I see that day. My heart would thump heavily when I see trees and plants being cut down to make way for concrete. I would cry if I can't find any ways to feed a sickly, skinny stray cat or dog immediately, I would wanna stay with them to give them warmth, to make sure that they stay there while I call someone else to get some pet food. I'd bawl if I see a dead animal, with its innards pouring out, on the road.
Til now, I couldn't care less. When I observe the things above happening around me, I don't feel anything at all. I don't feel the need to rescue or to help.
I am, however, saddened with the fact that my compassion is gone.
C, please come back.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
The Dirty Rats are about to be Pesterminate-d
Job Hunt updates:
I got a job as a personal assistant. That means I'll be travelling everywhere if accept the offer, and the first is to Tokyo nxt month.
I will leave my current job if it pays $2.8k at least.
I'm still counting on Men's Folio to respond to my application. PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS. Fashion styling is my dream, my passion. Let me have that job.
Others:
The bloody rats should run for their lives when they see me now. Lu binatang sua bikin gua tiong ah kan. Baik lari mcm semalam.
I got a job as a personal assistant. That means I'll be travelling everywhere if accept the offer, and the first is to Tokyo nxt month.
I will leave my current job if it pays $2.8k at least.
I'm still counting on Men's Folio to respond to my application. PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS. Fashion styling is my dream, my passion. Let me have that job.
Others:
The bloody rats should run for their lives when they see me now. Lu binatang sua bikin gua tiong ah kan. Baik lari mcm semalam.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
The New Love
I'm not sure if it's the age or songs nowadays are just too much at times. Old songs have that minimalist quality - simple and effective. I can't deny that certain oldie songs can be quite cheesy, but then again, sometimes cheesy songs can seem so blunt and straightforward that you are confident you know what it means... when it actually means something else.
Here's my new love, Chris Isaak.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
An Inspiration
I love the way they dress, especially the one with the tambourines. I bought a grey tube jumpsuit yesterday, and I'm so inspired to wear it to work on thursday, which is nearly impossible of course. haha! just a thought. paired it with a blazer, but they don't match, and a blazer's too hot for my work environment anyways. Boo!
If words don't work, let the fist converse instead.
Gawd it's been a really long time since my last update. I have been extremely busy working hard, and playing hard. It's about a month now, and a lot has happened.
Some characters have not been happy with me and whatever I have been doing on fb, so we had a small confrontation with our boyfies (bfs were really unnecessary) involved. Honestly it all started because of some comments on correcting someone's english and posts I made as well as certain entries in this blog (which was meant for someone else/ the general public). But anyhoos, all I really have to say is that (direct translation from my mother tongue) 'the one who eats chilli will taste its spice'. So you have a choice not to eat it ryt?
Here's a geist:
(Click on images for a clearer view)
I had wanted it to end peacefully, but with what that has been going on now, it did not. I have been keeping real quiet, except for some random wall posts here and there on fb about what I think. And what I think is usually influenced by what I am constantly involved in i.e. work (if you still don't have a clue).
The reason why I've been ignoring all this, is because I don't entertain lies. It is just too dumb to be doing anything about it because I have every reason to believe they are not being honest on their part. I know of something recently (related to this event, probably the deeper happening), and I want to hear it from their mouths without having me to ever mention names or sources.
And I admit my cousin has been adding comments but I don't see why they have to be offended. (And I don't think she SMSed her or her boy to STOP IT. and to behave like adults ( = stop being childish). well who is? and she did it again recently (whilst I have been quiet). I really wish I could find her in person and tell her to shut her desperate trap and stop seeking attention from her ex (who is getting engaged to my cousin soon) by doing this. IF she does this again I might turn aggressive! So irritating! So ew!
(Irritating per, da la matair kau masuk campur, cousin kau pun nk masuk campur jugak? Incapable of speaking for urself? And for the cousin - takmo bobal ngn aku in the 1st place pasal takut aku spot kau pey belit (altar keling)? WTF sia!!!)
Okay, stupid people making me sick, I shall talk about better things.
When half the kids went to KL, we had the best pit ever. Apart from great company, we had lots prawns and chicken and LOBSTERS! and my favourite drink...
So they surprised me with a birthday cake (I really didn't see it, bf said it was obvious S was carrying it) and that served as dessert for the day. It was so sweet of them, even tho my b'day was 2 weeks away. It was a calm and cool nyt, everyone was contented and happy, and we took absolutely awesome pics with Z's new lens.
And I worked and I worked... and the fasting month came, and in came boyfie with yet another surprise for my b'day, a gift which was given on the actual day. I wondered, what else would he want to get me apart from the wii?
And we went to Parkway, to get.... a diamond ring!!!! It is really beautiful, set in white and rose gold. A solitaire diamond surrounded by 18 smaller ones. The design reminds me of a ring by Cartier, or was it Bvlgari?
This is the craziest year, I'm really grateful my boyfie decided to spend so much money on me. hehe!
I even spent so much on myself! I bought myself a DSLR, and lotsa clothes.
Then there was that dinner. The red carpet event. I was dressed to the nines, I tell you. But it made me feel a lil OTT cuz the others there were not fashionably sensitive. I even see polo tees around! Not only worn by men, but by women! Gosh! I wish I can lend them some help in styling. But then again, let's not poke my nose in case they take offence in my offer. Let them look ugly. harhahr.
No surprise I was selected as one of the best dressed and had to strut my stuff on stage. Highly embarassing! So I shall not divulge any further details of that incident.
I am so feeling Coco now, after catching Coco Before Chanel by Anne Fontaine, played by gloriously eccentric Audrey Tautou. I feel in-character, I shall remain the way I am by being blunt and straighforward with my opinions and not fake. I shall not be afraid to be aggressive. Just like Coco.
And lastly to A and S, you should seriously get out of my way and sight IF you see me, before I see you.
Some characters have not been happy with me and whatever I have been doing on fb, so we had a small confrontation with our boyfies (bfs were really unnecessary) involved. Honestly it all started because of some comments on correcting someone's english and posts I made as well as certain entries in this blog (which was meant for someone else/ the general public). But anyhoos, all I really have to say is that (direct translation from my mother tongue) 'the one who eats chilli will taste its spice'. So you have a choice not to eat it ryt?
Here's a geist:
(Click on images for a clearer view)
I had wanted it to end peacefully, but with what that has been going on now, it did not. I have been keeping real quiet, except for some random wall posts here and there on fb about what I think. And what I think is usually influenced by what I am constantly involved in i.e. work (if you still don't have a clue).
The reason why I've been ignoring all this, is because I don't entertain lies. It is just too dumb to be doing anything about it because I have every reason to believe they are not being honest on their part. I know of something recently (related to this event, probably the deeper happening), and I want to hear it from their mouths without having me to ever mention names or sources.
And I admit my cousin has been adding comments but I don't see why they have to be offended. (And I don't think she SMSed her or her boy to STOP IT. and to behave like adults ( = stop being childish). well who is? and she did it again recently (whilst I have been quiet). I really wish I could find her in person and tell her to shut her desperate trap and stop seeking attention from her ex (who is getting engaged to my cousin soon) by doing this. IF she does this again I might turn aggressive! So irritating! So ew!
(Irritating per, da la matair kau masuk campur, cousin kau pun nk masuk campur jugak? Incapable of speaking for urself? And for the cousin - takmo bobal ngn aku in the 1st place pasal takut aku spot kau pey belit (altar keling)? WTF sia!!!)
Okay, stupid people making me sick, I shall talk about better things.
When half the kids went to KL, we had the best pit ever. Apart from great company, we had lots prawns and chicken and LOBSTERS! and my favourite drink...
So they surprised me with a birthday cake (I really didn't see it, bf said it was obvious S was carrying it) and that served as dessert for the day. It was so sweet of them, even tho my b'day was 2 weeks away. It was a calm and cool nyt, everyone was contented and happy, and we took absolutely awesome pics with Z's new lens.
And I worked and I worked... and the fasting month came, and in came boyfie with yet another surprise for my b'day, a gift which was given on the actual day. I wondered, what else would he want to get me apart from the wii?
And we went to Parkway, to get.... a diamond ring!!!! It is really beautiful, set in white and rose gold. A solitaire diamond surrounded by 18 smaller ones. The design reminds me of a ring by Cartier, or was it Bvlgari?
This is the craziest year, I'm really grateful my boyfie decided to spend so much money on me. hehe!
I even spent so much on myself! I bought myself a DSLR, and lotsa clothes.
Then there was that dinner. The red carpet event. I was dressed to the nines, I tell you. But it made me feel a lil OTT cuz the others there were not fashionably sensitive. I even see polo tees around! Not only worn by men, but by women! Gosh! I wish I can lend them some help in styling. But then again, let's not poke my nose in case they take offence in my offer. Let them look ugly. harhahr.
No surprise I was selected as one of the best dressed and had to strut my stuff on stage. Highly embarassing! So I shall not divulge any further details of that incident.
I am so feeling Coco now, after catching Coco Before Chanel by Anne Fontaine, played by gloriously eccentric Audrey Tautou. I feel in-character, I shall remain the way I am by being blunt and straighforward with my opinions and not fake. I shall not be afraid to be aggressive. Just like Coco.
And lastly to A and S, you should seriously get out of my way and sight IF you see me, before I see you.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The Bloody Rat Race
I am sooo itching to put up a certain post I have saved in my pc but the bf said that I can only put it up once everything is heightened and I can use that post as an 'adding salt to the wound' kind of thing.
but I wana put it up so things can be heightened. I'm so sick of sitting around waiting for things to happen.
I am observing and apparantly they make sure I do.
I see them scurrying about, rallying allies and keeping people apart. They split us into groups and tell people to take sides. Making them look like rats.
The sick thing is that I do not know the real reason for whatever that has been happening. It's like when you have diarrhoea and you don't know which food caused it. haha!
So now I shall just watch and see, and wait for them to take the wrong step. I can't wait to pounce. It's been hell of a loooong time since I had anyone quiver with the flick of my tongue. (and the swing of my fist! haha)
till then, fuck you, and hope to see you die in front of everyone else.
but I wana put it up so things can be heightened. I'm so sick of sitting around waiting for things to happen.
I am observing and apparantly they make sure I do.
I see them scurrying about, rallying allies and keeping people apart. They split us into groups and tell people to take sides. Making them look like rats.
The sick thing is that I do not know the real reason for whatever that has been happening. It's like when you have diarrhoea and you don't know which food caused it. haha!
So now I shall just watch and see, and wait for them to take the wrong step. I can't wait to pounce. It's been hell of a loooong time since I had anyone quiver with the flick of my tongue. (and the swing of my fist! haha)
till then, fuck you, and hope to see you die in front of everyone else.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
So Kill Me.
The bf is disgusted with the ideal society I have in my head.
I had told him several days ago,'If I am a president, I won't let people with low qualifications breed.'
Because I want the reproduction of stupid people to be stopped.
Kill me if you can.
But I really want to eradicate EM3 and normal streams in schools. I want teachers to have a good and easy life in teaching. As teachers, they will just TEACH.
And not mould. Not nurture. Not inculcate. Not develop characters. Not taking care of others' backsides. Not design banners or invitation cards or posters. Not host visitors from other countries. Not chaperone anyone to anywhere.
Cuz with a society of smart people, teachers can just tell them to go anywhere and do anywhat themselves. Without any much holding hands and slapping backsides.
I do all that but I'm paid the salary of a receptionist-who-makes-coffee-and-answer-calls while fbing.
So with my relevant experience, I as President, slaps a fine to those people who have primary/sec 2 ed or even vocational ed who reproduces. I will put a stop to such people being around and thus exterminate all slums.
*Parents who also have children who fail to keep up with the ed system will be slapped with hefty fines too.
I had told him several days ago,'If I am a president, I won't let people with low qualifications breed.'
Because I want the reproduction of stupid people to be stopped.
Kill me if you can.
But I really want to eradicate EM3 and normal streams in schools. I want teachers to have a good and easy life in teaching. As teachers, they will just TEACH.
And not mould. Not nurture. Not inculcate. Not develop characters. Not taking care of others' backsides. Not design banners or invitation cards or posters. Not host visitors from other countries. Not chaperone anyone to anywhere.
Cuz with a society of smart people, teachers can just tell them to go anywhere and do anywhat themselves. Without any much holding hands and slapping backsides.
I do all that but I'm paid the salary of a receptionist-who-makes-coffee-and-answer-calls while fbing.
So with my relevant experience, I as President, slaps a fine to those people who have primary/sec 2 ed or even vocational ed who reproduces. I will put a stop to such people being around and thus exterminate all slums.
*Parents who also have children who fail to keep up with the ed system will be slapped with hefty fines too.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Friday Afternoon Blues
I love my 'studio'. The only place where I can be out of anyone's sight. And my car's parked right beside the lift (which means lock up and go). And right now I'm hanging out with some colleagues who are just sitting around fbing and manga reading. HA!
I was reluctant to come to work today. It was dark and cold and perfect weather for sleeping in.
Work was still shitty, I'm feeling 'psychedelic' due to lack of sleep. And yesterday a friend commented on my eyebags which were nonexistent during my 'recuperation'. The only reason I got up and get ready was because of the kopitiam session and that it was Friday - I can wear work polo tee and my rubber-banded, ankle-length haremish pants which I got from asos.com. When I looked at the full length mirror then I realised I looked like I was wearing track pants! ha! But I went on with it anyway, cuz it is only one of the few pants that I can breathe in and wear without having any stomach pains.
And I absolutely love it for the fact that there are no buttons to undo after eating a slice of bread.
Everyone's going home now. And the kids in blue are so enthusiastic they hold me back til 7pm EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Go hm la siallllsssss. I have a life of approx. 58 hours to enjoy before I feel like crappin* again. Korang ingat korang stay lama2 pat sini dapat naik rank ke hape sialllllllsss. Mati ah aku ni macam.
*IBS - when I get anxious I have diarrhoea.
Kids in Blue - tkmo mepek ahhh waste your life away. Weekends are utterly precious you know.
I was reluctant to come to work today. It was dark and cold and perfect weather for sleeping in.
Work was still shitty, I'm feeling 'psychedelic' due to lack of sleep. And yesterday a friend commented on my eyebags which were nonexistent during my 'recuperation'. The only reason I got up and get ready was because of the kopitiam session and that it was Friday - I can wear work polo tee and my rubber-banded, ankle-length haremish pants which I got from asos.com. When I looked at the full length mirror then I realised I looked like I was wearing track pants! ha! But I went on with it anyway, cuz it is only one of the few pants that I can breathe in and wear without having any stomach pains.
And I absolutely love it for the fact that there are no buttons to undo after eating a slice of bread.
Everyone's going home now. And the kids in blue are so enthusiastic they hold me back til 7pm EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Go hm la siallllsssss. I have a life of approx. 58 hours to enjoy before I feel like crappin* again. Korang ingat korang stay lama2 pat sini dapat naik rank ke hape sialllllllsss. Mati ah aku ni macam.
*IBS - when I get anxious I have diarrhoea.
Kids in Blue - tkmo mepek ahhh waste your life away. Weekends are utterly precious you know.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
EFF YOU VERY VERY MUCH.
Tomorrow, I will be back at work.
And some people needs an eff up. For the suspended one, that's what you get for taking credit for my work.
So, who wants to be next?
And some people needs an eff up. For the suspended one, that's what you get for taking credit for my work.
So, who wants to be next?
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Friendship requires Initiative and Contribution
I am lucky I grew up with close friends who take initiative to contribute to my well being. There are people like AH-K, Siot, M & M, N, who I really appreciate most.
Even last time when I was close to R and the gang.
And even the gang at Woodlands. I really appreciate their existence, for turning up at every Hari Raya open house that I have, for taking time after work to help me and A with our final year project (shuttling us here and there, helping with equipment, and acting!)
I am close to them because they are people with BRAINS. People who can think, and can empathise with everything ME. And of course, I return the favour. They are the people I will always go back to, cuz they don't judge me for disappearing, they don't do sulking if I don't call them back or ask them out. They understand that money don't grow on trees. Even though I have a 'respectable' career, it doesnt mean that it pays well. They understand that cars need petrol and cashcard to run. And they contribute in ways like treating me to meals or chipping in a couple of bucks for petrol. Or providing ciggs.
And we would all chip in (50 cents is not asking for much!!!) whatever lose change we have to buy a big bottled drink and/or snacks whenever we hang out.
It's not wholly about the money, but it's the initiative they take to offer at least something to lighten the burdens I may have. They don't live off me, and hopefully I didn't and will not do them. hehe.
Along the way, for all of my life, I do make a lot of new friends here and there. But nothing beats the people mentioned above. I love you all!
If you are a friend, do a fair bit of contributing. It is not fair if you keep on taking and not giving.
Even last time when I was close to R and the gang.
And even the gang at Woodlands. I really appreciate their existence, for turning up at every Hari Raya open house that I have, for taking time after work to help me and A with our final year project (shuttling us here and there, helping with equipment, and acting!)
I am close to them because they are people with BRAINS. People who can think, and can empathise with everything ME. And of course, I return the favour. They are the people I will always go back to, cuz they don't judge me for disappearing, they don't do sulking if I don't call them back or ask them out. They understand that money don't grow on trees. Even though I have a 'respectable' career, it doesnt mean that it pays well. They understand that cars need petrol and cashcard to run. And they contribute in ways like treating me to meals or chipping in a couple of bucks for petrol. Or providing ciggs.
And we would all chip in (50 cents is not asking for much!!!) whatever lose change we have to buy a big bottled drink and/or snacks whenever we hang out.
It's not wholly about the money, but it's the initiative they take to offer at least something to lighten the burdens I may have. They don't live off me, and hopefully I didn't and will not do them. hehe.
Along the way, for all of my life, I do make a lot of new friends here and there. But nothing beats the people mentioned above. I love you all!
If you are a friend, do a fair bit of contributing. It is not fair if you keep on taking and not giving.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Fashion Styling is My Destiny
A few weeks ago I have suggested a Rock Star theme for a certain party. And this was inspired by J.Humphrey in GG.
And some time, way back, I was smitten with the trashy indie-elektro look. And Lady Gaga epitomises this look some time after. Initially I was inspired by M.I.A, how I wish I could go crazy with all those prints and colours!
If you have been up to date with fashion, you would probably be familiar with the looks I have described.
And all these waves came kinda late in SG. Only now I see Rock Star Baby by Birkenstock, and everywhere everywhere!!!!
Sounds like I'm in my own world right now ain't it? Like so full of myself? If you don't like what you read then X this page ok?
So after all this, I feel that Fashion Styling is my calling. For those close to me, you might know I apparently have so many callings! I had wanted to be a documentary filmmaker before, a lecturer, science research, makeup etc. But there is nothing I feel strongly about other than fashion and making the world look good. I just need to find my platform.
I do research about my future when I find the time. I find the photography degree offered by NTU's ADM interesting. I definitely need to compile my portfolio. Really soon, and I need to get advanced standing too, so I can move on to 3rd year and not waste any time. I hope my work experience now will help me secure a spot there.
And studying in NTU = FREE. No tuition fees if I apply to Mendaki.
I can't wait to start studying again but it's all so difficult when no pay is coming in. I really need to do something about that.
Cuz if I study, who's gon' pay for the car + petrol + parking? That is if I drive to sch. If I choose to stay in a hostel, who's gon pay for it too? Daddy said dun worry about anything, but he's so old now I can't bear to see him go on working, and having to do it extra hard wen I'm studying.
I can take a loan but loan interests are shit.
I hate being an adult.
And now I feel a lil bit neurotic. I wonder if anyone shares the same neurotic experience as me.
I have voices in my head telling me shit and I have to constantly fight them. They will say horrible things and I find myself fighting those voices and saying to them 'no, it's not right,' and i'll end up in a headache cuz it feels like a bustling bazaar in there. And I fail to shut them all up. And I will start feeling nauseous, and my brain feels really hot that it's burning and I feel like I need to get stoned. I feel sick that there's too many things going on in my head. I love my bf for keeping up with this shit.
Anyways, I love storets.com. cuz they have almost everything a fashion-conscious guitar god needs.
And some time, way back, I was smitten with the trashy indie-elektro look. And Lady Gaga epitomises this look some time after. Initially I was inspired by M.I.A, how I wish I could go crazy with all those prints and colours!
If you have been up to date with fashion, you would probably be familiar with the looks I have described.
And all these waves came kinda late in SG. Only now I see Rock Star Baby by Birkenstock, and everywhere everywhere!!!!
Sounds like I'm in my own world right now ain't it? Like so full of myself? If you don't like what you read then X this page ok?
So after all this, I feel that Fashion Styling is my calling. For those close to me, you might know I apparently have so many callings! I had wanted to be a documentary filmmaker before, a lecturer, science research, makeup etc. But there is nothing I feel strongly about other than fashion and making the world look good. I just need to find my platform.
I do research about my future when I find the time. I find the photography degree offered by NTU's ADM interesting. I definitely need to compile my portfolio. Really soon, and I need to get advanced standing too, so I can move on to 3rd year and not waste any time. I hope my work experience now will help me secure a spot there.
And studying in NTU = FREE. No tuition fees if I apply to Mendaki.
I can't wait to start studying again but it's all so difficult when no pay is coming in. I really need to do something about that.
Cuz if I study, who's gon' pay for the car + petrol + parking? That is if I drive to sch. If I choose to stay in a hostel, who's gon pay for it too? Daddy said dun worry about anything, but he's so old now I can't bear to see him go on working, and having to do it extra hard wen I'm studying.
I can take a loan but loan interests are shit.
I hate being an adult.
And now I feel a lil bit neurotic. I wonder if anyone shares the same neurotic experience as me.
I have voices in my head telling me shit and I have to constantly fight them. They will say horrible things and I find myself fighting those voices and saying to them 'no, it's not right,' and i'll end up in a headache cuz it feels like a bustling bazaar in there. And I fail to shut them all up. And I will start feeling nauseous, and my brain feels really hot that it's burning and I feel like I need to get stoned. I feel sick that there's too many things going on in my head. I love my bf for keeping up with this shit.
Anyways, I love storets.com. cuz they have almost everything a fashion-conscious guitar god needs.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Serial Cheater Quits.
I really don't find the need to tell anyone about my old/new friend (s). Unless I have nothing to talk about and I remembered such things.
Because they are just.
And I forget most of the world when you're in my sight.
I wouldn't have planned anything only to screw it up.
Please believe me, that I am not going to cheat ever again. Because I love you and you are everything, ok? There, I've said it and I've announced to the world, without you asking.
XANAX! XANAX!!!!
Because they are just.
And I forget most of the world when you're in my sight.
I wouldn't have planned anything only to screw it up.
Please believe me, that I am not going to cheat ever again. Because I love you and you are everything, ok? There, I've said it and I've announced to the world, without you asking.
XANAX! XANAX!!!!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Ab Queen
Wow blog counter reads 104 and I wonder who has been following my blog. I'm guilty of following a couple of minahs' blogs and laughing at them.
I think my knee problem has got to do with my sudden weight gain, due to the high dosage of anti depressants and tranquilisers and sleeping pills I've been on. And I can't stop eating and gained far too much weight too fast that my knee buckled and gave way. I'm like, so fat now! Even my boobs are getting a little big bigger and I don't like it! I wana be stick thin like Kate Moss - I love the heroin chic look. I'm feeling a bit Tyra Banks now, I want both my butt, thighs and boobs to be smaller so I don't look skanky when I wear my clothes.
So yesterday I did 3 sets with this Ab King thing my Mom bought from TV innovations or sumting. My stomach muscles ached like mad! I hope it's working. I'm gonna do that everyday from now on. Then I will get to cycling and then full on sports.
Many may not think that I am a sporty person because of the way i look, but I really am. hehe. I enjoy football and a lil bit of sailing and fencing and tae kwon do and love to try out new stuff but I hate the run-to-train part, and walking long distances and climbing stairs... not my thing. When I get better I wanna learn to skate and to go off road riding again! I wana graduate to using a full sized KTM soon. I wana wakeboard too!
And that will be in 3 months time. Bah!!!
And a lil bit of digression here:
I got a little scolding from the bf last nyt. Many people would not noe this but I'm plagued with insecurities, much to the point that it destroys relationships and myself.
I'm so insecure cuz he used to be a mat motor. lame (on my part) ryt?
It's chronic, it comes and it goes and it's making me sick. And the sick part is that I'm the one playing (no I don't do sleeping) around behind his back when he's been so good to me. And he still takes me back, for the millionth time. We've been going on for 2yrs and 8 months now, and I have, a few months back, vowed to stop my nonsense.
It's all good now, just hoping that the feeling won't ever come back. I was frantically looking for my Xanax but they were nowhere. I hope Mommy didnt throw those things away cuz the last time I saw it, it was strewn all over my bedroom floor. Like, when I'm lying down on the floor I can just pop one. Yeah, I can be neurotic like that.
I guess I need to get back to work asap.
I think my knee problem has got to do with my sudden weight gain, due to the high dosage of anti depressants and tranquilisers and sleeping pills I've been on. And I can't stop eating and gained far too much weight too fast that my knee buckled and gave way. I'm like, so fat now! Even my boobs are getting a little big bigger and I don't like it! I wana be stick thin like Kate Moss - I love the heroin chic look. I'm feeling a bit Tyra Banks now, I want both my butt, thighs and boobs to be smaller so I don't look skanky when I wear my clothes.
So yesterday I did 3 sets with this Ab King thing my Mom bought from TV innovations or sumting. My stomach muscles ached like mad! I hope it's working. I'm gonna do that everyday from now on. Then I will get to cycling and then full on sports.
Many may not think that I am a sporty person because of the way i look, but I really am. hehe. I enjoy football and a lil bit of sailing and fencing and tae kwon do and love to try out new stuff but I hate the run-to-train part, and walking long distances and climbing stairs... not my thing. When I get better I wanna learn to skate and to go off road riding again! I wana graduate to using a full sized KTM soon. I wana wakeboard too!
And that will be in 3 months time. Bah!!!
And a lil bit of digression here:
I got a little scolding from the bf last nyt. Many people would not noe this but I'm plagued with insecurities, much to the point that it destroys relationships and myself.
I'm so insecure cuz he used to be a mat motor. lame (on my part) ryt?
It's chronic, it comes and it goes and it's making me sick. And the sick part is that I'm the one playing (no I don't do sleeping) around behind his back when he's been so good to me. And he still takes me back, for the millionth time. We've been going on for 2yrs and 8 months now, and I have, a few months back, vowed to stop my nonsense.
It's all good now, just hoping that the feeling won't ever come back. I was frantically looking for my Xanax but they were nowhere. I hope Mommy didnt throw those things away cuz the last time I saw it, it was strewn all over my bedroom floor. Like, when I'm lying down on the floor I can just pop one. Yeah, I can be neurotic like that.
I guess I need to get back to work asap.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Drowning in Acid
I'm so pissed I havent been able to play guitar hero since that day. Cuz my nephew is always around and I don't want him to touch my toys and make 'em greasy. I don't want to share my nice things.
And I'm still procrastinating - I have a couple of online lessons to upload to the portal for the kids.
Thing is - I can't be bothered. Yayyyyy!
Party Updates: The party is OFF. It was kind of a boo and a whew, boo cuz we wouldn't get to have our first ever theme party, and a whew cuz the pressure's off in planning, AND it is a good thing for him to spend THAT amount of money on the girl rather than on us people, with a percentage of ingrates. No offence, but there are a few of us who needs some attitude makeover.
Including myself, I have to stop being rude and blunt and straightforward. As told by the bf.
Pipi is now back from BKK, and she got me what I have been drooling over - ACID WASHED JEANS! A similar one from Topshop costs $99, and she got me my pair for only 290 baht - about 13 bucks i think. And she got me a tube-harem pants-jumpsuit as well. The material is real pretty - shiny black soft linen.
I wish I can upload photos of myself in those, but I will have to gorge my eyes off the pics. For now, I don't want stray readers to know who I am.
The bf has started school and I'm sooo bored. Stupid nephew. I need to move out of this house! I want to stay in Tampines!
I have 8 days of my MC left. FUUUUCCCKKKK!!!!
I'm currently hooked on this song. And whatever 70s and 80s. Don't bother about the cheesy intro + video.
And I'm still procrastinating - I have a couple of online lessons to upload to the portal for the kids.
Thing is - I can't be bothered. Yayyyyy!
Party Updates: The party is OFF. It was kind of a boo and a whew, boo cuz we wouldn't get to have our first ever theme party, and a whew cuz the pressure's off in planning, AND it is a good thing for him to spend THAT amount of money on the girl rather than on us people, with a percentage of ingrates. No offence, but there are a few of us who needs some attitude makeover.
Including myself, I have to stop being rude and blunt and straightforward. As told by the bf.
Pipi is now back from BKK, and she got me what I have been drooling over - ACID WASHED JEANS! A similar one from Topshop costs $99, and she got me my pair for only 290 baht - about 13 bucks i think. And she got me a tube-harem pants-jumpsuit as well. The material is real pretty - shiny black soft linen.
I wish I can upload photos of myself in those, but I will have to gorge my eyes off the pics. For now, I don't want stray readers to know who I am.
The bf has started school and I'm sooo bored. Stupid nephew. I need to move out of this house! I want to stay in Tampines!
I have 8 days of my MC left. FUUUUCCCKKKK!!!!
I'm currently hooked on this song. And whatever 70s and 80s. Don't bother about the cheesy intro + video.
Friday, July 10, 2009
I am on World Tour
The bf had told me 2 days ago that he will be giving me my birthday present soon. But my birthday is not til end august. 'I have saved so much and I have to get tthe thing before I get tempted to use the money,' he said. So I said ok.
Yesterday he called me to let me know he was going out with A and M to get the present. And told me not to disturb him.
BUT HOW COULD I NOT?!
I know that it's gona be expensive cuz I saw a thick wad of $50 notes in his cupboard.
What could it be, what could it be!
I thought long and hard. Last year he bought me a necklace with little diamonds encrusted on the pendant.
Could it be an even bigger necklace? Or a ring?
He said it was something that I wanted. And we've looked at it together before.
But then again, I want everything!
At night he came to fetch me with A & M tagging along. They guarded the present. It is in a medium sized box wrapped in black tartan printed paper. So it couldn't be jewelry. And it looked heavy.
Them guys made me do so many things in order for me to get my hands on the box. I was told to behave and be nice and say a lot of thank yous and guess what it was. So I obliged.
After about 20minutes of torture, I was 'allowed' to open my present, and so I grabbed it and ripped the paper out. I knew what it was when I held it. It was heavy and it was in a white box. And I knew what it was.
AND I SCREAMED AND SCREAMED! IT WAS A Wii CONSOLE!
...and I thought that was all..
The bf parked the car and told me to go to the boot to go see the Remy Martin bottle. So I went..
AND THERE WAS A BLOODY HUGE BOX IN THE BOOT!!!!!!!
AND I KNEW WHAT IT WAS!
GUITAR HEROES!
I ripped open the wrapping paper and the guys told me to look at the box.
It was the bloody Guitar Heroes on World Tour Set!!!!! With drums and mic!!!!!!
The screaming continued and the contents of the box turned upside down. But I had to stop cuz we were all hungry and needed food.
Fast forward to today, I woke up at noon to start playing. I had played for a bit at 3+ am wen I got back, but was too tired from all the jumping and screaming. I packed everything back into the box and went to bed. This noon I fixed everything up. And tried the drums - a lil bit hard, needs some getting used to, and the mic - tooo easy for me. The guitar will be my poison for now.
... and I will happily wait for the bf to download games for me (it's a modified ver) and wait for the next present which will come on time.
Love,
The Guitar God.
Yesterday he called me to let me know he was going out with A and M to get the present. And told me not to disturb him.
BUT HOW COULD I NOT?!
I know that it's gona be expensive cuz I saw a thick wad of $50 notes in his cupboard.
What could it be, what could it be!
I thought long and hard. Last year he bought me a necklace with little diamonds encrusted on the pendant.
Could it be an even bigger necklace? Or a ring?
He said it was something that I wanted. And we've looked at it together before.
But then again, I want everything!
At night he came to fetch me with A & M tagging along. They guarded the present. It is in a medium sized box wrapped in black tartan printed paper. So it couldn't be jewelry. And it looked heavy.
Them guys made me do so many things in order for me to get my hands on the box. I was told to behave and be nice and say a lot of thank yous and guess what it was. So I obliged.
After about 20minutes of torture, I was 'allowed' to open my present, and so I grabbed it and ripped the paper out. I knew what it was when I held it. It was heavy and it was in a white box. And I knew what it was.
AND I SCREAMED AND SCREAMED! IT WAS A Wii CONSOLE!
...and I thought that was all..
The bf parked the car and told me to go to the boot to go see the Remy Martin bottle. So I went..
AND THERE WAS A BLOODY HUGE BOX IN THE BOOT!!!!!!!
AND I KNEW WHAT IT WAS!
GUITAR HEROES!
I ripped open the wrapping paper and the guys told me to look at the box.
It was the bloody Guitar Heroes on World Tour Set!!!!! With drums and mic!!!!!!
The screaming continued and the contents of the box turned upside down. But I had to stop cuz we were all hungry and needed food.
Fast forward to today, I woke up at noon to start playing. I had played for a bit at 3+ am wen I got back, but was too tired from all the jumping and screaming. I packed everything back into the box and went to bed. This noon I fixed everything up. And tried the drums - a lil bit hard, needs some getting used to, and the mic - tooo easy for me. The guitar will be my poison for now.
... and I will happily wait for the bf to download games for me (it's a modified ver) and wait for the next present which will come on time.
Love,
The Guitar God.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Shit World
I am proudly announcing that my medical leave has been extended to 2 more weeks. Last day for now is 21st July. YAYYYYYY! And here's the repair work done to the meniscus tear in my knees:
So I shall not be too bugged about work, although I will put up some online lessons. This is crap. I dun wana work like this anymore. And I'm not the only one too. The Ministry has to do something about this situation. A little bit more democracy, perhaps. People like us are overworked and underpaid. It is certainly not very fair if you're doing the same amount of work as the degree holders but being paid only a fraction of what they draw. I (We) wouldn't have to lament so much if we are properly recognised and paid. It is a bloody rat race and I'd rather drop out and be a sales assistant. Or receptionist. Absolutely no homework at all. Or planning. Or marking.
I hung out at my bf's place yesterday after seeing the ortho n the physiotherapist. Had a ridiculously long chat with his Mom and she gave me a really sweet necklace she bought at Bangkok. And 2 tank tops, a pair of shoes and another shawl. We talked til the bf fell asleep. And til I fell asleep.
I'm quite bummed that Finland is probably not gona happen. And I hate not having any solid plan to follow. I hate uncertainties cuz it will bring me back to the 'dark ages'. So I came out with a few options:
a) Spend my savings on a makeup artistry diploma (haven't I have enough of those already?) while working part-time, somewhere.
b) Check out if I fit the bill to work with NWA (a minah's job but it's ok - i get to travel)
c) Take my degree at Lasalle for a year (with part-time work) and then get to any Scandinavian country to get my Mater's... and then return here as a lecturer.
Option C seems to be the best, sane one. As said by the bf. But I havent had a break since I started my tertiary ed in 2002. The only break I had was the 6 months between after O levels and Lasalle. How time flies - I've been going on for 7 years!
I hope this will change next year - I am at a dangerous phase right now. All I wanna do is have fun... work for fun and fun forever.
Quite a number of people may say I'm so lucky to have work at this time. But not many may understand what I am actually going through.
I can't walk in a straight line, I can't work with ghosts of Rutherford (those people act so smart when they are actually really dumb). And I certainly can't conform to senseless regulations.
Fuck you all.
So I shall not be too bugged about work, although I will put up some online lessons. This is crap. I dun wana work like this anymore. And I'm not the only one too. The Ministry has to do something about this situation. A little bit more democracy, perhaps. People like us are overworked and underpaid. It is certainly not very fair if you're doing the same amount of work as the degree holders but being paid only a fraction of what they draw. I (We) wouldn't have to lament so much if we are properly recognised and paid. It is a bloody rat race and I'd rather drop out and be a sales assistant. Or receptionist. Absolutely no homework at all. Or planning. Or marking.
I hung out at my bf's place yesterday after seeing the ortho n the physiotherapist. Had a ridiculously long chat with his Mom and she gave me a really sweet necklace she bought at Bangkok. And 2 tank tops, a pair of shoes and another shawl. We talked til the bf fell asleep. And til I fell asleep.
I'm quite bummed that Finland is probably not gona happen. And I hate not having any solid plan to follow. I hate uncertainties cuz it will bring me back to the 'dark ages'. So I came out with a few options:
a) Spend my savings on a makeup artistry diploma (haven't I have enough of those already?) while working part-time, somewhere.
b) Check out if I fit the bill to work with NWA (a minah's job but it's ok - i get to travel)
c) Take my degree at Lasalle for a year (with part-time work) and then get to any Scandinavian country to get my Mater's... and then return here as a lecturer.
Option C seems to be the best, sane one. As said by the bf. But I havent had a break since I started my tertiary ed in 2002. The only break I had was the 6 months between after O levels and Lasalle. How time flies - I've been going on for 7 years!
I hope this will change next year - I am at a dangerous phase right now. All I wanna do is have fun... work for fun and fun forever.
Quite a number of people may say I'm so lucky to have work at this time. But not many may understand what I am actually going through.
I can't walk in a straight line, I can't work with ghosts of Rutherford (those people act so smart when they are actually really dumb). And I certainly can't conform to senseless regulations.
Fuck you all.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Pork Makes the World Sick
It’s already my last week of medical leave, and I’m hoping for an extension. I dun wana get well soon.
Party updates: The Roof Garden Suite is booked. I really think we need to change theme. I had Miami Vice in my head: linen shorts/pants, shirts with or without blazers (linen) or polos.... simple and chic. A little bit mafia, but less stiff. Examples:
I really have to add the last pic, the Blingmaster. We could all have fun like that.
And for girls, nice flowy dresses. Or relaxed pants n shirt combo. Like these:
All pictures were taken from The Sartorialist (thesartorialist.blogspot.com)
But seems that the kids dun really get it. The girls should know what to wear. (But not me, I THINK!) I think most of the people in these photos were Italians. So we can go back to Cosa Nostra. With a more relaxed take.
So now the poster and invite design can start. I’m actually happy with what I already have. But need to present more choices. Nyeh!
It’s been quite a week, or 2 weeks I think since the last update. I’ve been walking around with my crutch to fleas n sales n bought so many things! My savings are depleting!
So far I bought a pair of jeans from river island (which is too small! Need to lose weight!), Gap edt, 3 pairs of lingerie n a t-shirt frm collage. The bf got himself Esprit pants, Ferarri edt, Topman shirt and boardshorts.
Pipi is going to Bangkok and I told her to get me a knuckle duster ring. And a dress. And whatever is nice.
I have been looking at the H1N1 situation, the deaths and the no. of infections. I really can’t say this enough. STOP EATING PORK. If we put a stop to it, we can lower the demand of pork and in turn lessen the amount of pigs. Studies have shown that a lot of new viruses are churned out by pigs in their stomachs. And that pigs have this worm or virus in their bodies that cannot be killed even by cooking in high heat. Go and search for these studies. I understand pork can be really yummy and u can’t live without bacon n eggs, but come on, for the health of the world.
Pigs are around in the first place because God couldn’t possibly give Noah a vacuum cleaner as there wasn’t any electricity at the time. So he gave Noah some pigs to clean up the loads of shit and waste in his ark by eating them.
I feel sick now. Time for rock band on psp.
Party updates: The Roof Garden Suite is booked. I really think we need to change theme. I had Miami Vice in my head: linen shorts/pants, shirts with or without blazers (linen) or polos.... simple and chic. A little bit mafia, but less stiff. Examples:
I really have to add the last pic, the Blingmaster. We could all have fun like that.
And for girls, nice flowy dresses. Or relaxed pants n shirt combo. Like these:
All pictures were taken from The Sartorialist (thesartorialist.blogspot.com)
But seems that the kids dun really get it. The girls should know what to wear. (But not me, I THINK!) I think most of the people in these photos were Italians. So we can go back to Cosa Nostra. With a more relaxed take.
So now the poster and invite design can start. I’m actually happy with what I already have. But need to present more choices. Nyeh!
It’s been quite a week, or 2 weeks I think since the last update. I’ve been walking around with my crutch to fleas n sales n bought so many things! My savings are depleting!
So far I bought a pair of jeans from river island (which is too small! Need to lose weight!), Gap edt, 3 pairs of lingerie n a t-shirt frm collage. The bf got himself Esprit pants, Ferarri edt, Topman shirt and boardshorts.
Pipi is going to Bangkok and I told her to get me a knuckle duster ring. And a dress. And whatever is nice.
I have been looking at the H1N1 situation, the deaths and the no. of infections. I really can’t say this enough. STOP EATING PORK. If we put a stop to it, we can lower the demand of pork and in turn lessen the amount of pigs. Studies have shown that a lot of new viruses are churned out by pigs in their stomachs. And that pigs have this worm or virus in their bodies that cannot be killed even by cooking in high heat. Go and search for these studies. I understand pork can be really yummy and u can’t live without bacon n eggs, but come on, for the health of the world.
Pigs are around in the first place because God couldn’t possibly give Noah a vacuum cleaner as there wasn’t any electricity at the time. So he gave Noah some pigs to clean up the loads of shit and waste in his ark by eating them.
I feel sick now. Time for rock band on psp.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Need. Xanax.
I wish quitting is just as easy as shoving up the resignation up their asses.
The new term has started, and I am still away from school. I have another week left, and I’m wishing for another extension cuz I really can’t be bothered anymore. I’m in a place where everyone just simply irritates the hell out of me with their selfishness and stupidity.
This is the period where getting back to work is as hard and painful as knowing that you are a hostage and you know you are gona be tied to the back of a truck and being pulled with your ass on the road.
At 180kmh.
I feel so sick about work that the feeling of doing something crazy about it is pumping through my head. Ahhh I wish I am rich enough to be able to do the ‘crazy things’ like last time. Stupid bond.
Stupid white power.
Party updates: the theme has now been changed to rock star instead of mafia. Whatever the theme may be, there are pros and cons. So I shall let that matter rest. Once we secure the location, everything should fall into place nicely. Then the food can be ordered, the invites could be out.
And I have to scrap the veiled hat and Chanel stockings idea. I’ll go with the Balmain look: acid washed ripped jeans, killer heels, glittery top and blazer. OR something to go with my brown leather bomber.
After a sickeningly long time of being immobile, I finally got to shop for a bit. At last Sunday’s flea market I got myself a minidress where I plan to add lots of pyramid studs on the waist.
And an adorable bracelet chock full and heavy with rock and roll charms from Mango which I had Mommy add some chains so that I can wear it as a necklace too.
Bah. Need xanax. Til later.
The new term has started, and I am still away from school. I have another week left, and I’m wishing for another extension cuz I really can’t be bothered anymore. I’m in a place where everyone just simply irritates the hell out of me with their selfishness and stupidity.
This is the period where getting back to work is as hard and painful as knowing that you are a hostage and you know you are gona be tied to the back of a truck and being pulled with your ass on the road.
At 180kmh.
I feel so sick about work that the feeling of doing something crazy about it is pumping through my head. Ahhh I wish I am rich enough to be able to do the ‘crazy things’ like last time. Stupid bond.
Stupid white power.
Party updates: the theme has now been changed to rock star instead of mafia. Whatever the theme may be, there are pros and cons. So I shall let that matter rest. Once we secure the location, everything should fall into place nicely. Then the food can be ordered, the invites could be out.
And I have to scrap the veiled hat and Chanel stockings idea. I’ll go with the Balmain look: acid washed ripped jeans, killer heels, glittery top and blazer. OR something to go with my brown leather bomber.
After a sickeningly long time of being immobile, I finally got to shop for a bit. At last Sunday’s flea market I got myself a minidress where I plan to add lots of pyramid studs on the waist.
And an adorable bracelet chock full and heavy with rock and roll charms from Mango which I had Mommy add some chains so that I can wear it as a necklace too.
Bah. Need xanax. Til later.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Cosa Nostra no-no
It’s been long since I last wrote here, there’s suddenly so many things to do! I’m definitely procrastinating on the important stuff (like work) and have been devoting most of my time to party planning (I love location recce) and sourcing for caterers and the works. I’m really hoping I get the yacht at a special rate. Boat party anyone?
And I just received a text from PIPI saying that the mafia theme is preferred. It’s kinda troublesome… if we were to hold the bash at a resort, 1. Guests would prolly not stick to the theme and wear beachwear instead, 2. It’s hot and humid at the resort so we would end up with sweaty oily faces in photos 3. Guests would choose not to come cuz they can’t be bothered with such theme parties (i.e. no clothes, no transport etc)
But still, I went around in the web looking for accessories to add on to a dress I already have which might scream mafia. I cannot deny that I would want to dress up to the theme – all I need now is 2 tone Chanel stockings
(oooooooh) or lace ones with garter (n lace teddy I hope hehe) and a hat with net covering my face. I got my inspiration here:
I liked some mafia costumes on ebay but the bf screams ‘prostitute’ and no less. Easy for him, he’s got loads of coats and suits he can use. And shoes. And fedora. All he needs is a pair of nice fitting pants. And a cigar to top it off. Boo!
So now I’m deliberating (yeah it is a serious issue to me) other easier themes where guests can, at the same time, be innovative. Any ideas?
Work’s been bugging me and I refuse to correspond. Take that!
And I just received a text from PIPI saying that the mafia theme is preferred. It’s kinda troublesome… if we were to hold the bash at a resort, 1. Guests would prolly not stick to the theme and wear beachwear instead, 2. It’s hot and humid at the resort so we would end up with sweaty oily faces in photos 3. Guests would choose not to come cuz they can’t be bothered with such theme parties (i.e. no clothes, no transport etc)
But still, I went around in the web looking for accessories to add on to a dress I already have which might scream mafia. I cannot deny that I would want to dress up to the theme – all I need now is 2 tone Chanel stockings
(oooooooh) or lace ones with garter (n lace teddy I hope hehe) and a hat with net covering my face. I got my inspiration here:
I liked some mafia costumes on ebay but the bf screams ‘prostitute’ and no less. Easy for him, he’s got loads of coats and suits he can use. And shoes. And fedora. All he needs is a pair of nice fitting pants. And a cigar to top it off. Boo!
So now I’m deliberating (yeah it is a serious issue to me) other easier themes where guests can, at the same time, be innovative. Any ideas?
Work’s been bugging me and I refuse to correspond. Take that!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The past mattered because it made me who I am today.
I have about 2 months til I turn 24. And because it is June, I will always go through what I have achieved and reminisce where I came from.
I am def not proud of my past but constantly reminding myself of what happened and who I was keeps me from doing further harm to myself and those around me who I deeply love.
This brings me back to my teenage years, which I dearly missed. It was when dangerous experiments were conducted and when everything that was new and exciting belonged on illegal grounds. There is def too much to mention here, so I will generalize everything. At least, on my own, when I read through this entry I could probably remember what EXACTLY happened. I guess this will serve as a catalyst for my own memory.
**DISCLAIMER: Some of you may relate to my experiences, but in no way or other should you replicate the situations mentioned here into your own lives as I will not bear responsibility if you get into the wrong side of the law or your parents’. This applies to people under the age of 21 who may be reading this blog as well as adults who have missed out and want to start experimenting.**
1. The worst thing anyone could have done….
..is beating up a parent. Especially if the parent is your mother. And I didn’t know what got into me, but I did it because I wanted to break free. I wanted to stay out really late, I wanted no control over my actions whatsoever. I wanted to do as I pleased. That was a few lame reasons but a 15 year old sure has a lot of rage.
And so I ended up running away from home, slept at a friend’s at night, and at a random guy’s house in the day when she went to school. One can only imagine the adventures I went through in this period of time. It was fun but I’d never do it again.
2. The hardest habit to kick…
..is drugs and alcohol. It was just a normal activity with the older crowd I used to hang out with when I was 16. AND doing it brought me to another place, way beyond anyone could ever understand. I remembered keeping a bottle of whiskey under my bed, wrapped in plastic, just so I could sleep peacefully. And as I got older, I brought some redbull and vodka to lectures to drink to iron out the nerves of starting work.
3. I could have gotten my hand chopped off..
.. but thank god, I have been safe. Stealing is another habit so hard to kick. I still have the thinking drilled into my head, ’Why pay for it if you can get it for free?’ It is a harmful thought, and now even though I have moolah I still go around stealing things. But most of the time the bf will stop me. I would steal anything and everything, food, drinks, newspapers, books, ice cream, clothes, accessories, friends’ money, cell phone… you name it! I love doing it, but I know someday, I have to stop for good. But then again if I were to become poor, this is def a skill to re-master for survival. Hee!
4. The most difficult concept to grasp is..
..learning to control my temper. I get angry at the littlest things, and because of my martial arts background (although menial) I dared to pick fights. A lot of people think I dare to meddle with such situations because of the ‘support’ I have. I belonged to a gang once (it was lame) but I didn’t really involve them in the little hiccups I have with other people. The last I did was punching a girl in her face, causing her lips or something to bleed, but that was because I was slapped in the first place, and yes it was my fault for calling her a slut. Oh wait, I did punch a guy til he was bleeding profusely from the nose. And I know I won’t be in trouble unless they file a magistrate’s complaint. But I think I’m slowly letting go of my temper cuz I don’t get bouts of anger attacks coming. I do throw things around once in a while. I do still want to feel meat on my fist, and that’s the sick part. (Shouldn’t I just get a punching bag or a pet cow, right?)
5. There is just one thing that I wish I could still do..
..and that is wanting to roam the streets late at night, and hanging out with my best friend who lived a few blocks away. EVERYDAY. We would hang out with different groups of people, went out with different guys everyday and did senseless things. All without a care in the world. We were so tight, we’d protect each other (although more of her protecting me), we’d do anything and everything together. It was ultimately thrilling to get into clubs when you are much younger than the age limit. All those drinking and smoking (there was no need to go look for smoking room) and dancing and getting to know so many people… the drunken stupors, the headaches and the tears, the pregnancy scares and fights… are really experiences one would only see in tv.
BUT THEN I HAD TO MOVE OUT. I guess my parents realised the neighbourhood wasn’t doing me any good and decided to move far, far away, and eventually the ‘ghetto’ life stopped its course.
Again, I stress that this is not an entry to tell the whole world what I’ve done or how 'cool' I am. Sometimes I realized that I act much too prissy now and forget where I’ve come from and what I’ve done. So this will serve as a constant reminder for me to not forget my roots as I am confident that bigger things will come my way soon. If you currently share the same predicament as I did in the past, it’s time to make a change. I’m not proud of where I am and what I am doing now, but at least I know I am not disappointing the ones I love dearly, as well as myself. I cannot emphasise further that education and humility is the only thing that will alleviate you from whatever sufferings you have (although not everything, but I assure you, most!). Earning respect through the things that you achieve is a definite esteem booster.
...and here's an old song i really enjoyed dancing to in Kreamz.. (+ 3 more in my playlist for now ;p)
I have about 2 months til I turn 24. And because it is June, I will always go through what I have achieved and reminisce where I came from.
I am def not proud of my past but constantly reminding myself of what happened and who I was keeps me from doing further harm to myself and those around me who I deeply love.
This brings me back to my teenage years, which I dearly missed. It was when dangerous experiments were conducted and when everything that was new and exciting belonged on illegal grounds. There is def too much to mention here, so I will generalize everything. At least, on my own, when I read through this entry I could probably remember what EXACTLY happened. I guess this will serve as a catalyst for my own memory.
**DISCLAIMER: Some of you may relate to my experiences, but in no way or other should you replicate the situations mentioned here into your own lives as I will not bear responsibility if you get into the wrong side of the law or your parents’. This applies to people under the age of 21 who may be reading this blog as well as adults who have missed out and want to start experimenting.**
1. The worst thing anyone could have done….
..is beating up a parent. Especially if the parent is your mother. And I didn’t know what got into me, but I did it because I wanted to break free. I wanted to stay out really late, I wanted no control over my actions whatsoever. I wanted to do as I pleased. That was a few lame reasons but a 15 year old sure has a lot of rage.
And so I ended up running away from home, slept at a friend’s at night, and at a random guy’s house in the day when she went to school. One can only imagine the adventures I went through in this period of time. It was fun but I’d never do it again.
2. The hardest habit to kick…
..is drugs and alcohol. It was just a normal activity with the older crowd I used to hang out with when I was 16. AND doing it brought me to another place, way beyond anyone could ever understand. I remembered keeping a bottle of whiskey under my bed, wrapped in plastic, just so I could sleep peacefully. And as I got older, I brought some redbull and vodka to lectures to drink to iron out the nerves of starting work.
3. I could have gotten my hand chopped off..
.. but thank god, I have been safe. Stealing is another habit so hard to kick. I still have the thinking drilled into my head, ’Why pay for it if you can get it for free?’ It is a harmful thought, and now even though I have moolah I still go around stealing things. But most of the time the bf will stop me. I would steal anything and everything, food, drinks, newspapers, books, ice cream, clothes, accessories, friends’ money, cell phone… you name it! I love doing it, but I know someday, I have to stop for good. But then again if I were to become poor, this is def a skill to re-master for survival. Hee!
4. The most difficult concept to grasp is..
..learning to control my temper. I get angry at the littlest things, and because of my martial arts background (although menial) I dared to pick fights. A lot of people think I dare to meddle with such situations because of the ‘support’ I have. I belonged to a gang once (it was lame) but I didn’t really involve them in the little hiccups I have with other people. The last I did was punching a girl in her face, causing her lips or something to bleed, but that was because I was slapped in the first place, and yes it was my fault for calling her a slut. Oh wait, I did punch a guy til he was bleeding profusely from the nose. And I know I won’t be in trouble unless they file a magistrate’s complaint. But I think I’m slowly letting go of my temper cuz I don’t get bouts of anger attacks coming. I do throw things around once in a while. I do still want to feel meat on my fist, and that’s the sick part. (Shouldn’t I just get a punching bag or a pet cow, right?)
5. There is just one thing that I wish I could still do..
..and that is wanting to roam the streets late at night, and hanging out with my best friend who lived a few blocks away. EVERYDAY. We would hang out with different groups of people, went out with different guys everyday and did senseless things. All without a care in the world. We were so tight, we’d protect each other (although more of her protecting me), we’d do anything and everything together. It was ultimately thrilling to get into clubs when you are much younger than the age limit. All those drinking and smoking (there was no need to go look for smoking room) and dancing and getting to know so many people… the drunken stupors, the headaches and the tears, the pregnancy scares and fights… are really experiences one would only see in tv.
BUT THEN I HAD TO MOVE OUT. I guess my parents realised the neighbourhood wasn’t doing me any good and decided to move far, far away, and eventually the ‘ghetto’ life stopped its course.
Again, I stress that this is not an entry to tell the whole world what I’ve done or how 'cool' I am. Sometimes I realized that I act much too prissy now and forget where I’ve come from and what I’ve done. So this will serve as a constant reminder for me to not forget my roots as I am confident that bigger things will come my way soon. If you currently share the same predicament as I did in the past, it’s time to make a change. I’m not proud of where I am and what I am doing now, but at least I know I am not disappointing the ones I love dearly, as well as myself. I cannot emphasise further that education and humility is the only thing that will alleviate you from whatever sufferings you have (although not everything, but I assure you, most!). Earning respect through the things that you achieve is a definite esteem booster.
...and here's an old song i really enjoyed dancing to in Kreamz.. (+ 3 more in my playlist for now ;p)
i need lots of acid.
i want those jeans! i checked out the price and it's way out of my budget.
so since i'm free ryt now i shall do some shredding and bleaching with an old pair of skinnies.
the grey one is TDF! i can imagine pairing mine (if i have one) with my prostituty black platform heels or the maroon suede open toe nine west heels. with some random loose fitting tee. if it gets cold den i'd have some use for my brown leather bomber.
the jackets are kewl too. but ryt now i dun haf any occassion to wear that!
pls wish me well so i can start wearing my heels and skinnies again! (my knee is bloody swollen!)
and inspire you guys with some pics! boo hoo.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Mish Mashed
my mind is all over today!
i'm supposed to be on vacation but i'm recuperating at hm. fyi, i just had an arthroscopy on my knee and have to be on crutches for like, 5 weeks! all becuz of a meniscus tear from nearly falling on the stairs as i was wearing high heels.
and while watching 'the city' i left with the impression that NY is the malaysia of n. america! nearly all the guys sport heavy beards and moustaches! and this series is not about the random hobo hiding out in a pile of garbage, but the so called 'it' group. they are SNHRN! ew ew ew
and my low blood pressure has been hitting me these few days. and those who noe me, i eat, like, a hell lot!
ugh. and i'm thinking and complaining like a spoilt brat again. which is not what i want to portray myself as in here.
i will talk about more serious issues. promise.
i'm supposed to be on vacation but i'm recuperating at hm. fyi, i just had an arthroscopy on my knee and have to be on crutches for like, 5 weeks! all becuz of a meniscus tear from nearly falling on the stairs as i was wearing high heels.
and while watching 'the city' i left with the impression that NY is the malaysia of n. america! nearly all the guys sport heavy beards and moustaches! and this series is not about the random hobo hiding out in a pile of garbage, but the so called 'it' group. they are SNHRN! ew ew ew
and my low blood pressure has been hitting me these few days. and those who noe me, i eat, like, a hell lot!
ugh. and i'm thinking and complaining like a spoilt brat again. which is not what i want to portray myself as in here.
i will talk about more serious issues. promise.
A little something to lighten hearts...
This video cracks me up at 1:49. Can't believe that this song was a chart topper in the past.
And I watch this everytime I'm bored. Again and Again.
uhhhh
hello hello?
this blog was started with a few purposes:
1. fill in the void as i am on house arrest (kidding, just merely injured & in need of crutches to move)
2. to record life's events due to poor memory
3. to serve the fashion community
4. as a platform to sell random stuff whenever i need cash (cuz i believe, for this mo, that money brings power)
i myt be able to serve as fodder for you bloghoppers, but if you happen to feel the need to slam me becuz of my thoughts and decisions, then simply navigate away and don't come back.
Cuz if you do make a return trip here, then, like GG says, you know you love me. And I'd say 'You know you want to be me.'
Enjoy!
this blog was started with a few purposes:
1. fill in the void as i am on house arrest (kidding, just merely injured & in need of crutches to move)
2. to record life's events due to poor memory
3. to serve the fashion community
4. as a platform to sell random stuff whenever i need cash (cuz i believe, for this mo, that money brings power)
i myt be able to serve as fodder for you bloghoppers, but if you happen to feel the need to slam me becuz of my thoughts and decisions, then simply navigate away and don't come back.
Cuz if you do make a return trip here, then, like GG says, you know you love me. And I'd say 'You know you want to be me.'
Enjoy!
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