So Kill Me.

The bf is disgusted with the ideal society I have in my head.

I had told him several days ago,'If I am a president, I won't let people with low qualifications breed.'

Because I want the reproduction of stupid people to be stopped.

Kill me if you can.

But I really want to eradicate EM3 and normal streams in schools. I want teachers to have a good and easy life in teaching. As teachers, they will just TEACH.

And not mould. Not nurture. Not inculcate. Not develop characters. Not taking care of others' backsides. Not design banners or invitation cards or posters. Not host visitors from other countries. Not chaperone anyone to anywhere.

Cuz with a society of smart people, teachers can just tell them to go anywhere and do anywhat themselves. Without any much holding hands and slapping backsides.

I do all that but I'm paid the salary of a receptionist-who-makes-coffee-and-answer-calls while fbing.

So with my relevant experience, I as President, slaps a fine to those people who have primary/sec 2 ed or even vocational ed who reproduces. I will put a stop to such people being around and thus exterminate all slums.

*Parents who also have children who fail to keep up with the ed system will be slapped with hefty fines too.

Friday Afternoon Blues

I love my 'studio'. The only place where I can be out of anyone's sight. And my car's parked right beside the lift (which means lock up and go). And right now I'm hanging out with some colleagues who are just sitting around fbing and manga reading. HA!

I was reluctant to come to work today. It was dark and cold and perfect weather for sleeping in.

Work was still shitty, I'm feeling 'psychedelic' due to lack of sleep. And yesterday a friend commented on my eyebags which were nonexistent during my 'recuperation'. The only reason I got up and get ready was because of the kopitiam session and that it was Friday - I can wear work polo tee and my rubber-banded, ankle-length haremish pants which I got from asos.com. When I looked at the full length mirror then I realised I looked like I was wearing track pants! ha! But I went on with it anyway, cuz it is only one of the few pants that I can breathe in and wear without having any stomach pains.

And I absolutely love it for the fact that there are no buttons to undo after eating a slice of bread.

Everyone's going home now. And the kids in blue are so enthusiastic they hold me back til 7pm EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Go hm la siallllsssss. I have a life of approx. 58 hours to enjoy before I feel like crappin* again. Korang ingat korang stay lama2 pat sini dapat naik rank ke hape sialllllllsss. Mati ah aku ni macam.


*IBS - when I get anxious I have diarrhoea.

Kids in Blue - tkmo mepek ahhh waste your life away. Weekends are utterly precious you know.

EFF YOU VERY VERY MUCH.

Tomorrow, I will be back at work.

And some people needs an eff up. For the suspended one, that's what you get for taking credit for my work.

So, who wants to be next?

Friendship requires Initiative and Contribution

I am lucky I grew up with close friends who take initiative to contribute to my well being. There are people like AH-K, Siot, M & M, N, who I really appreciate most.

Even last time when I was close to R and the gang.

And even the gang at Woodlands. I really appreciate their existence, for turning up at every Hari Raya open house that I have, for taking time after work to help me and A with our final year project (shuttling us here and there, helping with equipment, and acting!)

I am close to them because they are people with BRAINS. People who can think, and can empathise with everything ME. And of course, I return the favour. They are the people I will always go back to, cuz they don't judge me for disappearing, they don't do sulking if I don't call them back or ask them out. They understand that money don't grow on trees. Even though I have a 'respectable' career, it doesnt mean that it pays well. They understand that cars need petrol and cashcard to run. And they contribute in ways like treating me to meals or chipping in a couple of bucks for petrol. Or providing ciggs.

And we would all chip in (50 cents is not asking for much!!!) whatever lose change we have to buy a big bottled drink and/or snacks whenever we hang out.


It's not wholly about the money, but it's the initiative they take to offer at least something to lighten the burdens I may have. They don't live off me, and hopefully I didn't and will not do them. hehe.

Along the way, for all of my life, I do make a lot of new friends here and there. But nothing beats the people mentioned above. I love you all!

If you are a friend, do a fair bit of contributing. It is not fair if you keep on taking and not giving.

Fashion Styling is My Destiny

A few weeks ago I have suggested a Rock Star theme for a certain party. And this was inspired by J.Humphrey in GG.

And some time, way back, I was smitten with the trashy indie-elektro look. And Lady Gaga epitomises this look some time after. Initially I was inspired by M.I.A, how I wish I could go crazy with all those prints and colours!

If you have been up to date with fashion, you would probably be familiar with the looks I have described.

And all these waves came kinda late in SG. Only now I see Rock Star Baby by Birkenstock, and everywhere everywhere!!!!

Sounds like I'm in my own world right now ain't it? Like so full of myself? If you don't like what you read then X this page ok?

So after all this, I feel that Fashion Styling is my calling. For those close to me, you might know I apparently have so many callings! I had wanted to be a documentary filmmaker before, a lecturer, science research, makeup etc. But there is nothing I feel strongly about other than fashion and making the world look good. I just need to find my platform.

I do research about my future when I find the time. I find the photography degree offered by NTU's ADM interesting. I definitely need to compile my portfolio. Really soon, and I need to get advanced standing too, so I can move on to 3rd year and not waste any time. I hope my work experience now will help me secure a spot there.

And studying in NTU = FREE. No tuition fees if I apply to Mendaki.

I can't wait to start studying again but it's all so difficult when no pay is coming in. I really need to do something about that.

Cuz if I study, who's gon' pay for the car + petrol + parking? That is if I drive to sch. If I choose to stay in a hostel, who's gon pay for it too? Daddy said dun worry about anything, but he's so old now I can't bear to see him go on working, and having to do it extra hard wen I'm studying.

I can take a loan but loan interests are shit.

I hate being an adult.

And now I feel a lil bit neurotic. I wonder if anyone shares the same neurotic experience as me.

I have voices in my head telling me shit and I have to constantly fight them. They will say horrible things and I find myself fighting those voices and saying to them 'no, it's not right,' and i'll end up in a headache cuz it feels like a bustling bazaar in there. And I fail to shut them all up. And I will start feeling nauseous, and my brain feels really hot that it's burning and I feel like I need to get stoned. I feel sick that there's too many things going on in my head. I love my bf for keeping up with this shit.

Anyways, I love storets.com. cuz they have almost everything a fashion-conscious guitar god needs.

Fanatic Moment

The Serial Cheater Quits.

I really don't find the need to tell anyone about my old/new friend (s). Unless I have nothing to talk about and I remembered such things.

Because they are just.

And I forget most of the world when you're in my sight.

I wouldn't have planned anything only to screw it up.

Please believe me, that I am not going to cheat ever again. Because I love you and you are everything, ok? There, I've said it and I've announced to the world, without you asking.

XANAX! XANAX!!!!

The Ab Queen

Wow blog counter reads 104 and I wonder who has been following my blog. I'm guilty of following a couple of minahs' blogs and laughing at them.

I think my knee problem has got to do with my sudden weight gain, due to the high dosage of anti depressants and tranquilisers and sleeping pills I've been on. And I can't stop eating and gained far too much weight too fast that my knee buckled and gave way. I'm like, so fat now! Even my boobs are getting a little big bigger and I don't like it! I wana be stick thin like Kate Moss - I love the heroin chic look. I'm feeling a bit Tyra Banks now, I want both my butt, thighs and boobs to be smaller so I don't look skanky when I wear my clothes.

So yesterday I did 3 sets with this Ab King thing my Mom bought from TV innovations or sumting. My stomach muscles ached like mad! I hope it's working. I'm gonna do that everyday from now on. Then I will get to cycling and then full on sports.

Many may not think that I am a sporty person because of the way i look, but I really am. hehe. I enjoy football and a lil bit of sailing and fencing and tae kwon do and love to try out new stuff but I hate the run-to-train part, and walking long distances and climbing stairs... not my thing. When I get better I wanna learn to skate and to go off road riding again! I wana graduate to using a full sized KTM soon. I wana wakeboard too!

And that will be in 3 months time. Bah!!!

And a lil bit of digression here:

I got a little scolding from the bf last nyt. Many people would not noe this but I'm plagued with insecurities, much to the point that it destroys relationships and myself.

I'm so insecure cuz he used to be a mat motor. lame (on my part) ryt?

It's chronic, it comes and it goes and it's making me sick. And the sick part is that I'm the one playing (no I don't do sleeping) around behind his back when he's been so good to me. And he still takes me back, for the millionth time. We've been going on for 2yrs and 8 months now, and I have, a few months back, vowed to stop my nonsense.

It's all good now, just hoping that the feeling won't ever come back. I was frantically looking for my Xanax but they were nowhere. I hope Mommy didnt throw those things away cuz the last time I saw it, it was strewn all over my bedroom floor. Like, when I'm lying down on the floor I can just pop one. Yeah, I can be neurotic like that.

I guess I need to get back to work asap.

Drowning in Acid

I'm so pissed I havent been able to play guitar hero since that day. Cuz my nephew is always around and I don't want him to touch my toys and make 'em greasy. I don't want to share my nice things.

And I'm still procrastinating - I have a couple of online lessons to upload to the portal for the kids.

Thing is - I can't be bothered. Yayyyyy!

Party Updates: The party is OFF. It was kind of a boo and a whew, boo cuz we wouldn't get to have our first ever theme party, and a whew cuz the pressure's off in planning, AND it is a good thing for him to spend THAT amount of money on the girl rather than on us people, with a percentage of ingrates. No offence, but there are a few of us who needs some attitude makeover.

Including myself, I have to stop being rude and blunt and straightforward. As told by the bf.

Pipi is now back from BKK, and she got me what I have been drooling over - ACID WASHED JEANS! A similar one from Topshop costs $99, and she got me my pair for only 290 baht - about 13 bucks i think. And she got me a tube-harem pants-jumpsuit as well. The material is real pretty - shiny black soft linen.

I wish I can upload photos of myself in those, but I will have to gorge my eyes off the pics. For now, I don't want stray readers to know who I am.

The bf has started school and I'm sooo bored. Stupid nephew. I need to move out of this house! I want to stay in Tampines!

I have 8 days of my MC left. FUUUUCCCKKKK!!!!

I'm currently hooked on this song. And whatever 70s and 80s. Don't bother about the cheesy intro + video.

I am on World Tour

The bf had told me 2 days ago that he will be giving me my birthday present soon. But my birthday is not til end august. 'I have saved so much and I have to get tthe thing before I get tempted to use the money,' he said. So I said ok.

Yesterday he called me to let me know he was going out with A and M to get the present. And told me not to disturb him.

BUT HOW COULD I NOT?!

I know that it's gona be expensive cuz I saw a thick wad of $50 notes in his cupboard.

What could it be, what could it be!

I thought long and hard. Last year he bought me a necklace with little diamonds encrusted on the pendant.

Could it be an even bigger necklace? Or a ring?

He said it was something that I wanted. And we've looked at it together before.

But then again, I want everything!

At night he came to fetch me with A & M tagging along. They guarded the present. It is in a medium sized box wrapped in black tartan printed paper. So it couldn't be jewelry. And it looked heavy.

Them guys made me do so many things in order for me to get my hands on the box. I was told to behave and be nice and say a lot of thank yous and guess what it was. So I obliged.

After about 20minutes of torture, I was 'allowed' to open my present, and so I grabbed it and ripped the paper out. I knew what it was when I held it. It was heavy and it was in a white box. And I knew what it was.

AND I SCREAMED AND SCREAMED! IT WAS A Wii CONSOLE!

...and I thought that was all..

The bf parked the car and told me to go to the boot to go see the Remy Martin bottle. So I went..

AND THERE WAS A BLOODY HUGE BOX IN THE BOOT!!!!!!!

AND I KNEW WHAT IT WAS!

GUITAR HEROES!

I ripped open the wrapping paper and the guys told me to look at the box.

It was the bloody Guitar Heroes on World Tour Set!!!!! With drums and mic!!!!!!

The screaming continued and the contents of the box turned upside down. But I had to stop cuz we were all hungry and needed food.

Fast forward to today, I woke up at noon to start playing. I had played for a bit at 3+ am wen I got back, but was too tired from all the jumping and screaming. I packed everything back into the box and went to bed. This noon I fixed everything up. And tried the drums - a lil bit hard, needs some getting used to, and the mic - tooo easy for me. The guitar will be my poison for now.

... and I will happily wait for the bf to download games for me (it's a modified ver) and wait for the next present which will come on time.

Love,
The Guitar God.

Shit World

I am proudly announcing that my medical leave has been extended to 2 more weeks. Last day for now is 21st July. YAYYYYYY! And here's the repair work done to the meniscus tear in my knees:



So I shall not be too bugged about work, although I will put up some online lessons. This is crap. I dun wana work like this anymore. And I'm not the only one too. The Ministry has to do something about this situation. A little bit more democracy, perhaps. People like us are overworked and underpaid. It is certainly not very fair if you're doing the same amount of work as the degree holders but being paid only a fraction of what they draw. I (We) wouldn't have to lament so much if we are properly recognised and paid. It is a bloody rat race and I'd rather drop out and be a sales assistant. Or receptionist. Absolutely no homework at all. Or planning. Or marking.

I hung out at my bf's place yesterday after seeing the ortho n the physiotherapist. Had a ridiculously long chat with his Mom and she gave me a really sweet necklace she bought at Bangkok. And 2 tank tops, a pair of shoes and another shawl. We talked til the bf fell asleep. And til I fell asleep.

I'm quite bummed that Finland is probably not gona happen. And I hate not having any solid plan to follow. I hate uncertainties cuz it will bring me back to the 'dark ages'. So I came out with a few options:

a) Spend my savings on a makeup artistry diploma (haven't I have enough of those already?) while working part-time, somewhere.
b) Check out if I fit the bill to work with NWA (a minah's job but it's ok - i get to travel)
c) Take my degree at Lasalle for a year (with part-time work) and then get to any Scandinavian country to get my Mater's... and then return here as a lecturer.

Option C seems to be the best, sane one. As said by the bf. But I havent had a break since I started my tertiary ed in 2002. The only break I had was the 6 months between after O levels and Lasalle. How time flies - I've been going on for 7 years!

I hope this will change next year - I am at a dangerous phase right now. All I wanna do is have fun... work for fun and fun forever.

Quite a number of people may say I'm so lucky to have work at this time. But not many may understand what I am actually going through.

I can't walk in a straight line, I can't work with ghosts of Rutherford (those people act so smart when they are actually really dumb). And I certainly can't conform to senseless regulations.

Fuck you all.

Pork Makes the World Sick

It’s already my last week of medical leave, and I’m hoping for an extension. I dun wana get well soon.

Party updates: The Roof Garden Suite is booked. I really think we need to change theme. I had Miami Vice in my head: linen shorts/pants, shirts with or without blazers (linen) or polos.... simple and chic. A little bit mafia, but less stiff. Examples:






I really have to add the last pic, the Blingmaster. We could all have fun like that.

And for girls, nice flowy dresses. Or relaxed pants n shirt combo. Like these:



All pictures were taken from The Sartorialist (thesartorialist.blogspot.com)
But seems that the kids dun really get it. The girls should know what to wear. (But not me, I THINK!) I think most of the people in these photos were Italians. So we can go back to Cosa Nostra. With a more relaxed take.

So now the poster and invite design can start. I’m actually happy with what I already have. But need to present more choices. Nyeh!

It’s been quite a week, or 2 weeks I think since the last update. I’ve been walking around with my crutch to fleas n sales n bought so many things! My savings are depleting!

So far I bought a pair of jeans from river island (which is too small! Need to lose weight!), Gap edt, 3 pairs of lingerie n a t-shirt frm collage. The bf got himself Esprit pants, Ferarri edt, Topman shirt and boardshorts.

Pipi is going to Bangkok and I told her to get me a knuckle duster ring. And a dress. And whatever is nice.

I have been looking at the H1N1 situation, the deaths and the no. of infections. I really can’t say this enough. STOP EATING PORK. If we put a stop to it, we can lower the demand of pork and in turn lessen the amount of pigs. Studies have shown that a lot of new viruses are churned out by pigs in their stomachs. And that pigs have this worm or virus in their bodies that cannot be killed even by cooking in high heat. Go and search for these studies. I understand pork can be really yummy and u can’t live without bacon n eggs, but come on, for the health of the world.

Pigs are around in the first place because God couldn’t possibly give Noah a vacuum cleaner as there wasn’t any electricity at the time. So he gave Noah some pigs to clean up the loads of shit and waste in his ark by eating them.

I feel sick now. Time for rock band on psp.