i can taste...

sweet, sweeet freedom around the corner.

but i am now tasting the extremely sour powder that engulfs the exterior of this sweetness. and i hope it is not layered somewhere deeper.

i found love - a love for my job, a love for enriching minds and working with the owners of these minds, a love for knowing no one else can do my job better than i can.

but it is encrusted with the bitter feeling and sour taste of hate - hate for the institution and its beliefs, hate for the people, hate for the system. only God knows how much hatred is within this body of mind, enough to go trigger happy and treating them like target boards, only closer. enough to imagine that i am that SAW guy who capture people and put them in a game of life and death. i'd like to play russian roulette, only that the barrel will point elsewhere but me.

i can see myself doing things just as mean as that. for i know, words can do just that. and probably more - what's the point in living knowing that you have been deeply insulted, and there is no lie to those insults?

then again, i think i'm lacking of Seroquel to keep me sane.

yes, i need psychiatric attention, and realising this problem is a step closer towards getting a cure?

i really hate those motherfuckers.

the one, and only one...

there will always be that one person in your life who will always be by your side no matter how much you have hurt him or her, and for so much of the time, the efforts these people put in to be there beside you even though you are the same person who have caused them grief, goes unnoticed.

as for me, before it's too late, i am starting to vow to change my ways, and not to hurt that person anymore, and i pray to take away the pain this person has experienced due to my selfish actions.

i am lucky that i have a few of these people in my life, and they are my parents, and my bf.

but the focus here is on my bf, who has been with me and my treacherous deeds for almost 4 years now.

no matter what i've done, he is one who does not avenge. he does have so many good reasons to cheat on me, or to hurt me, but he does not. and i am thankful and grateful for that.

he is the one person i go to when i'm in pain for he makes the pain go away, he has this touch so magical, his warmth so healing.

he is the one, i will be / want to be with for the rest of my life. i know i am not on to say this but i hope our plans work out this year. *cross fingers*

The 'Cantankerous' One.

This suffering, is neverending.
Pls just stop whatever you are doing.