Up West, and Up North.

Amongst us are destroyed hearts, weakened by a lack of control, softened by those who are learned - the ones who manipulate, and avenge.

The learned, as they have learnt, seek destruction as conquests, and the weak, oh the weak.

The weak can see, have observed, but never learn, and this throws them into a dungeon deep within the ground for all others to heel and to toe.

And then there are the saviours, who seek justice. Who were weak but then learned, who can decipher the games of the manipulators and avengers. They seek justice and truth, and yearned to help the destroyed hearts to give them hope for life and living.

But more often than not, the destroyed hearts, they turn into animals, like those with ears spread out wide like a plane, legs short that kicks dead, and then bite the saviour his helping hand like a dog so mentally ill.

Now all saviours, they have gone, and hope, they are just mythical stories of times long past.

The Utterly Long Post That Has Been Shortened

A crazy chain of events since the last update,

1. Got married to my supposedly high school sweetheart on 10th July 2010.

2. Finally get to leave my torturous job.

3. Application for study permit was rejected due to ludicrous reasons.

4. Sold my car, Husband sold his.

5. Went to Canada anyway to check out the place, the school, people, environment. Have been here for a month and will be for the next 2 months.




I'm living a crazy life right now. Til next, soon, i promise.

Saying Hello to Emily Carr

I got accepted into Emily Carr University of Art + Design in Vancouver, and I am over the moon. I had doubts of getting the acceptance letter initially, as I felt that I don't have a great portfolio to start off with.

As an international student, there are definitely lots of stuff to do before actually flying there, and that is to apply for a study permit, to scramble for cash of CAD10,000 + a year's worth of school fees to show to them that I can afford my stay there. And then there's the accommadation problem, a lot of which are small AND expensive, or cheap and very very far away. Such a headache!

And upon arrival, I'm sure there's a lot more house hunting, part-time work hunting amongst settling, to do.

And everything requires money... money money money...

So I'm actually facing a lot of obstacles now.

Thank God my family has been ever so supportive, my dear brother texted me that I am the gem of the family, and to go for it. With that, he's expecting an honours. Tough, dude. I am terrified of the fact that I'll be facing 'the world' alone, without my brothers and my sister to back me up, and my Mommy and Daddy's armpits to hide in. HEEHEE!

Amidst all these things to settle, there is just one more thing that I have left lingering at the back of my mind. An important event in anyone's life, a big one, a serious one. When I was initially ok with this event taking place, now I have second thoughts, for it could be too soon, and it could be a disaster waiting to take place in Canada. This is the one thing that is bringing my joy down, for matters of the heart cannot be compromised.

I know it's still 4 months away, but I feel that I really need to start packing.

Til next.

Vengeance Personified.

Workers who are treated well will do more than enough to help a company or institution achieve the best results, results they want and need.

But workers who have given sweat and blood, with a certain high amount of commitment to their job and are treated poorly, will only bring much distress to their co-workers, managers, and in turn the one looking down from above - who are so blinded by their position; they are so high up there that they do not see what is going on down here. Which in turn leads to the crumbling of their institution.

I am down here, risking health and sanity, doing your forgotten work on the ground. I take on responsibilities heftier than my monthly paycheck. I do the same amount of work, or even much more, than the rest of your workers for a third of your/their pay. All because of my qualification. But when it comes to your delegation of work to us, you don't notice my mere diploma. I have menial qualification, paid menially, but work like those degree holding motherfuckers.

Sometimes, vengeance is forced out of a situation; it cannot be helped. This is just one of those occasions when too little from them is too much for me to take.




Heroes cannot be heroes if they don't wear a costume. Mine comes in the form of red eyelids.

i can taste...

sweet, sweeet freedom around the corner.

but i am now tasting the extremely sour powder that engulfs the exterior of this sweetness. and i hope it is not layered somewhere deeper.

i found love - a love for my job, a love for enriching minds and working with the owners of these minds, a love for knowing no one else can do my job better than i can.

but it is encrusted with the bitter feeling and sour taste of hate - hate for the institution and its beliefs, hate for the people, hate for the system. only God knows how much hatred is within this body of mind, enough to go trigger happy and treating them like target boards, only closer. enough to imagine that i am that SAW guy who capture people and put them in a game of life and death. i'd like to play russian roulette, only that the barrel will point elsewhere but me.

i can see myself doing things just as mean as that. for i know, words can do just that. and probably more - what's the point in living knowing that you have been deeply insulted, and there is no lie to those insults?

then again, i think i'm lacking of Seroquel to keep me sane.

yes, i need psychiatric attention, and realising this problem is a step closer towards getting a cure?

i really hate those motherfuckers.

the one, and only one...

there will always be that one person in your life who will always be by your side no matter how much you have hurt him or her, and for so much of the time, the efforts these people put in to be there beside you even though you are the same person who have caused them grief, goes unnoticed.

as for me, before it's too late, i am starting to vow to change my ways, and not to hurt that person anymore, and i pray to take away the pain this person has experienced due to my selfish actions.

i am lucky that i have a few of these people in my life, and they are my parents, and my bf.

but the focus here is on my bf, who has been with me and my treacherous deeds for almost 4 years now.

no matter what i've done, he is one who does not avenge. he does have so many good reasons to cheat on me, or to hurt me, but he does not. and i am thankful and grateful for that.

he is the one person i go to when i'm in pain for he makes the pain go away, he has this touch so magical, his warmth so healing.

he is the one, i will be / want to be with for the rest of my life. i know i am not on to say this but i hope our plans work out this year. *cross fingers*

The 'Cantankerous' One.

This suffering, is neverending.
Pls just stop whatever you are doing.