sweet, sweeet freedom around the corner.
but i am now tasting the extremely sour powder that engulfs the exterior of this sweetness. and i hope it is not layered somewhere deeper.
i found love - a love for my job, a love for enriching minds and working with the owners of these minds, a love for knowing no one else can do my job better than i can.
but it is encrusted with the bitter feeling and sour taste of hate - hate for the institution and its beliefs, hate for the people, hate for the system. only God knows how much hatred is within this body of mind, enough to go trigger happy and treating them like target boards, only closer. enough to imagine that i am that SAW guy who capture people and put them in a game of life and death. i'd like to play russian roulette, only that the barrel will point elsewhere but me.
i can see myself doing things just as mean as that. for i know, words can do just that. and probably more - what's the point in living knowing that you have been deeply insulted, and there is no lie to those insults?
then again, i think i'm lacking of Seroquel to keep me sane.
yes, i need psychiatric attention, and realising this problem is a step closer towards getting a cure?
i really hate those motherfuckers.
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